


The Weakness in Me

by elemsee



Category: Anthem (Video Game)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-07
Updated: 2019-04-07
Packaged: 2020-01-06 04:51:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,759
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18381317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elemsee/pseuds/elemsee
Summary: Electricity and fire battled in her mind, a tangled mess of desire and regret, and for one split second the Freelancer felt unsure of every decision she had ever made.





	The Weakness in Me

**Author's Note:**

> Watch out everyone, I've descended upon the Anthem universe!
> 
> As always, this is mostly just self indulgence because I adore Matthias and Owen. Note, this fic is set after Fortress of Dawn but before Triple Threat, which means Matthias hasn't become Matthias cubed just yet.
> 
> My Freelancer is Felicity Davri and she's pretty damn awesome and badass, even if she did make the mistake of falling in love with her cypher.

The stone wall was a shock of cold against Felicity's shirtless back, a stark contrast to the surging heat that coarsed through her veins as she pulled him into another biting kiss. His hands were irritatingly delicate as they sat at her hips. She wanted him to be rougher. Rough would be new, different. Gentle reminded her too much of Owen.

At least, it reminded her of what she'd been foolish enough to believe. Owen's actions weren't that of someone gentle. Felicity wondered if she really knew the man she loved.

The Freelancer kissed harder, forcing herself back into the present.

"Matthias," she murmured as she pulled back slightly, more as a reminder for herself than to get her lover's attention.

She got his attention anyway. Matthias broke the kiss, his chestnut eyes wide and full of adoration as they met hers. He was so warm, so soothing, like a bright summer day from her past. Not only that, he was genuine, and genuine was what Felicity needed. She hadn't been good at trusting others, but she'd put her trust in Owen — of course she had, he was her cypher, they were a team. He'd been hers. She'd been his.

Had his love ever been genuine? His friendship, his support? His smile reached his eyes every single time he gazed upon her. It must have been genuine. _Right?_

"Are you alright?" Matthias furrowed his brows in concern, his palm warm as he placed his hand softly against Felicity's cheek. She could smell the alcohol on his breath, an unsurprising result of the bottle of wine they'd shared between them. "You seem... distracted."

Felicity felt a pang of guilt in her chest. Matthias deserved better than her second hand attention.

"I'm fine," she lied, forcing a smile as she gripped at the hem of his shirt to pull him closer. His hand travelled down to her bare shoulder, rubbing soothing circles against her pale skin.  His stare told her that he was unconvinced.

"You're thinking about him again." A statement, not a question. But there was no bitterness or frustration: Matthias' voice was tinged with only compassion. Felicity wondered why he wasn't jealous, but then again, what would be the point of wasting jealousy on someone who'd actively chosen to walk away?

"The only person I'm thinking about right now is you, Matti." Another lie — but Felicity's smile came a little more naturally this time, her tone light and flirty as she ran her hand up and down Matthias' toned arm, tracing his tattoo delicately with the tips of her fingers.

Matthias' eyes narrowed as he scanned her face, but her use of his nickname teased a smirk upon his lips. The arcanist was still unconvinced, but he was too far gone in his infatuation to deny her anything.

Still, he needed to be sure. He needed her to be sure. His heart ached at the thought of her suffering more than she already had.

"Are you sure this is what you want?"

"Matthias, half a bottle of wine isn't enough to dull my decision making abilities, if that's what you're saying."

Matthias snorted a quiet laugh, the sound barely making a dent in the air of the otherwise silent room. His eyes drifted closed as he leaned down to plant a kiss upon Felicity's shoulder, and the strap of her bra tickled his nose. He buried his face into the crook of her neck, and Felicity responded by placing her hand on the back of his neck, her thumb lightly stroking against his tanned skin.

Felicity's eyes fixed onto the open ceiling, a sigh escaping her lips as she stared upon the sky. She considered her behaviour in silence, wondering how she had ended up such a mess of contradictions: Owen had only been gone a week, and instead of trying to give him the benefit of the doubt and living in hope of his return, she'd immediately written him off to chase after the first man she could find. Owen's betrayal was unforgivable, but her betrayal in response was just as disgraceful.

Could Owen even _handle_ piloting the Javelin of Dawn? Perhaps it had all gone horribly wrong? Perhaps he was already dead? How would she even _know_?

The mental image of his maimed, lifeless body laying abandoned somewhere made Felicity's stomach churn. A lump formed in her throat and she swallowed fiercely, determined that he would not have the privilege of her tears.

Matthias finally stirred, slipping one arm around Felicity's bare waist to pull her body flush against his own. He pressed his parted lips against her neck, leaving a tirade of slow, sloppy kisses that were a welcome distraction for the Freelancer.

But her mind wouldn't give up the fight that easily, and the memories wouldn't stop flooding through. Felicity grasped at Matthias' shoulders with trembling hands, her eyes wide and staring blankly forward. She clung to him tightly, in some desperate hope that he would be her port in the storm.

All at once she was tormented with the memory of Owen's first declaration of love: it had been a close call mission, and they'd lost contact. Their romantic relationship was new and tentative then, but all bets were off that day — Felicity had never seen Owen run so fast, practically sprinting through the market, and her feet were off the ground as he pulled her into a crushing embrace. She had only laughed, chastising him lightly, embarrassed at the scene he'd made. _"God, I don't bloody care — I love you, you know that, right?"_

Felicity's entire body stiffened, a single sob escaping her lips despite her struggle to maintain her composure. Immediately she had Matthias' attention, the arcanist's eyes wide with concern as he took a step back.

"I'm sorry," Felicity's voice was little more than a whisper. She swiped forcefully at the tear that had escaped halfway down her cheek. "I don't think I can —"

Matthias raised his hand to cut her off, and his touch was gentle as he reached forward to brush some stray hairs out of her face. "Hey, listen, you have nothing to apologise for, alright?"

Felicity stole in a quick breath, her pulse still racing from the physical attention he'd given her, guilt weighing heavily in the pit of her stomach despite Matthias' insistence. She hadn't wanted him to get caught in the crossfire of her emotions: she cared about him too much to cause him any kind of unnecessary hurt.

"I don't want you to think that I only came here to —" Felicity halted herself, unsure of the right words. _To what? Sleep with him to get back at Owen? Use him as nothing more than a distraction? Just stop talking, Davri. Stop. Talking._ "— I'm sorry, Matti, I didn't mean to drag you into all this."

Matthias shot her a sympathetic smile, leaning in to pull her into an embrace. "You didn't drag me into anything, I was a willing participant." He chuckled quietly. "I'm always here for you, whatever you need."

Felicity wrapped her arms tightly around him, gratitude replacing most of the guilt within her. She didn't deserve him.

When Matthias finally released her he turned around, stooped down to pick up Felicity's shirt from the floor and handed it to her.

"We can always go back to the bar and have some more drinks, if it'll help," Matthias offered with a grin.

"Oh, no no. One bottle of wine I can handle, but much more senseless drinking and I guarantee I'll start seeing three of you." Felicity's mouth curved into a smile as she pulled her shirt on over her head, the fabric irritatingly cold against her warm skin.

"Well, you can still stay here if you don't want to be alone?"

Felicity took a moment to consider Matthias' offer as she gazed at him. The dim light of the room was flattering as it illuminated the features of his face. His beautiful brown eyes bore into hers, and she saw a longing within them that made her stomach flip, tempting her into staying.

She straightened up, breaking the eye contact in a valiant attempt to rein in some willpower, desire thrumming round her entire body like electricity.

"I appreciate it, but I think I should head to bed, sleep this off." Felicity wasn't sure if she meant the alcohol or her feelings. _Maybe both._

"Alright."

Felicity shot him one last smile and turned to walk away, but as she did so, she felt Matthias grasp at her hand. He lifted it to his lips to plant a gentle kiss against the inside of her palm.

"I meant what I said," Matthias muttered, his voice a low grumble, "I'm always here for you. What Owen did... you deserve better than that."

Felicity cocked her head as she observed him, seeking out any hint of an ulterior motive in his eyes. But there was none. She knew she could trust him. It only made her inner conflict worse, and she fought to maintain her composure as she gently pulled her hand away from his grasp.

"I know." Felicity stuffed both hands into the pockets of her trousers, desperate to leave before her body's yearning changed her mind for her again. "Good night, Matthias."

The corners of Matthias' mouth curved up into a small smile. "Good night."

Felicity gave him a final knowing glance before turning away, her footsteps on the tiled floor an echoing disturbance against the stifling silence. She took in a deep breath as she found herself back out in the open air. Electricity and fire battled in her mind, a tangled mess of desire and regret, and for one split second she felt unsure of every decision she had ever made.

_"Owen, stop!"_

She remembered the look in his perfect ocean blue eyes the day he betrayed her, bitter and cold like a winter chill. The man who loved her had not been the same man who left. More memories came flooding back, and she cringed at the thought of all the times she'd spoken to him like he didn't matter. All he'd ever wanted was her support, and somehow she couldn't even give him that. Had this all been her fault?

The Freelancer wrapped her arms around herself as she walked, her entire body shivering with the icy cold of her memories, and as her eyes finally delivered on their threat of floods of tears, she wondered if she would ever get the chance to atone for all her mistakes.


End file.
